So many stories. So many sad stories.

Today I spent a good part of the day reading of a beautiful young family's loss. Heartbreaking loss. And just when the cushion of time had started to soften the sting of unbearable loss - wham! More loss beyond anything that hardly seems possible. The unfairest of unfair. Loss that leaves me, a stranger on the other side of a computer screen, fumbling for understanding.

What is this 'kick-in-the-gut-via-internet'? It's a shift in relationships and communication and compassion that I still struggle with. To be so moved by words alone is a century's old concept. But the pixels and the speed somehow make it different. I read these stories, and see these pictures, and my heart breaks for people I don't know.

And the shifting leaves me rudderless. Shifting from the words and the pixels to real life and a 2 year old that I can't get to stay in bed.

"Stay in bed buddy." Walk away. Click on the keyboard. Fade into the words. Vague motion in the periphery. Shake off the words. "Buddy. Get. In. Bed." Walk boy back to bed. Snuggle. Kiss. Try not to be angry or frustrated because dammit - he's here. And so am I. And I need to be thankful every second of every minute of every day that I can snuggle and hug this beautiful creature. Blow kisses and walk back to the laptop. Sit down. Start typing. Feeling guilt? Or loss? Or fear? Fade in to the words. Hear the click of toys on the shelf. Sigh.

Rinse. Repeat.